THE EXPERIMENT

In the not so distant future, our privately-owned entrepreneurial company, Mars Two, will launch its first cohort of astronauts on a one-way mission to colonize Mars. However, we aren’t interested in your typical space explorers (astronauts, cosmonauts, rocket scientists); they’ve had their chance. It’s 2020- time to hack space and disrupt the final frontier by hiring regular citizens and funding our project through broadcasting the endeavor on a reality tv show. That’s right- rather than training for years with NASA, our Martians are diplomatically chosen in true reality-show manner, by uploading “audition” videos online that are voted on by the world.

That’s where you come in. Have you always found yourself gazing at the stars, wondering what else is out there? Do you feel that you’re meant for something more than this world? Bigger than this planet? But you also want to be on TV? Then you’re the one for us.

The long-term goal of the chosen candidates: to build a sustainable civilization for the rest of humanity to eventually join once our earth is unlivable. The short-time goal: don’t die, and don’t kill each other- whichever comes first. Once on Mars, there are no rules: you will follow no government, no law, no country allegiance. Sound like heaven to you? Perfect.

Chosen candidates will be tasked with starting civilization over again with only the tools that have been sent along with them, their own individual skills, and Earth’s bloody and war-torn history to remind them of what happens if they fail to create utopia.

You’ll be a modern day hero, sacrificing yourself for the good of mankind, but keep in mind, this isn’t for the faint of heart: once on Mars, you’ll come face to face with the most gruelling reality of all: life in a Big-Brother-like living “pod" with a bunch of strangers you have absolutely nothing in common with and literally no way to escape from FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Sure, it’s stressful when the solar panels get covered with dust and cut off contact with Earth, but somehow that doesn’t compare to the stress of your roommate humming the same tuneless song every minute of every day for an escapeless eternity. And yes, growing food in the hydroponics pod can get dicey when water isn’t circulating properly, but a greater hell emerges when you have to draw straws to determine which unwashed, socially awkward crew member you have to procreate with to begin populating the planet.

After all, even when we’re aliens on Mars, we’re still human.